Don't judge a book by its cover

About 6 years ago my family left the only church I knew. I was devastated. I was to young, to messed up, to busy to see that God was actually guiding my family to a new church for a reason. 


You see I was to caught up in what I was going to wear that day, how I looked in the mirror, and planning every calorie I was going to eat that day before I ate it, to realize God had a plan and a purpose in my life. 

Growing up is hard. period.

The world, your friends, and your family are all telling you who you are whether they realize it or not. All while you are trying to find out who you are in your self.  Its hard to let God define you when you listen to how others view you.

Because of this I hid. Very very hard who I really was. How I really felt inside. So much so that I was missing the lovely in life and the plan God had for me. 

At 15 I weighed 100 lbs. To many that might seem like "the dream" to others its "to small" and to others like me it "wasn't small enough"

At 100 lbs I still looked in the mirror and saw what I thought the world saw me as... fat, ugly, not enough. The "not enough" is what really got to me.  I in my 15 year old body didn't think I was enough. Enough for what? I couldn't tell you. But I do know I spent every waking moment trying to prove to the world I Kayla Ann DuFour was enough.

This is where I went wrong. 

Instead of spending every waking moment looking at myself the way God did and believing I was enough because God had a purpose for my life, I spent that time proving to myself and the world I was enough. I missed the lovely again. I missed what God was doing in my life.

So while I was proving I was enough to myself, my parents decided it would be best for me if I had a fresh start. They put me in a new school, and new church. I was furious at them. Why would they rip me away from all my friends and everything I knew? Because they new God had a plan for my life and I didn't even know it. 

So that fall it all happened. New school. New church. 

I cried as my mom drove me to my first day at my new school. I hated change and I really didn't want to go. Same thing happened when we went to the new church for the first time. She would look at me in the eyes and say "trust me you will do great". "Trust you?" I would think in my hormonal teenage brain. "Why would I trust you, you took me away from my life!" But what she was really telling me is "trust God, he has a plan for you bigger than your own". 

So here I am new church, new school. I had no clue what God had in store for me in that moment, but he was working in me.  After about a year at my new church, I had my breaking point. I let everything out. How I viewed myself, How I really felt, and that I was giving up on trying to be enough. It was right there in that moment that I realized God had his hand in my life and he was rewriting my story. The one I tried to write alone. I never understood what God really meant when he said his mercies are new every morning. Every day God brings out a fresh sheet of paper to write our story. He doesn't hold on to the old one holding it against us like some evil monster. No every day when we wake up he is sitting there on his throne with a new fresh sheet of paper just for us.

At this new school, I did better than I ever have in school. I graduated with all passing grades. Something that would have not happened at my old school. I didn't go to college, but I ended up becoming a full time nanny to some pretty amazing little kids who are full of life and teach me something new about God every day. 

At this new church, I met my husband, Samuel. After years of friendship and him liking me and me secretly liking him, I finally said yes. 

I finally saw the lovely in life. 

God's plan was not for me to go about my life trying to prove to the world I was enough, his plan was for me to believe I was enough. Enough for him to bless me with a great family who loves me, a great job that blesses me, and a great husband to walk through life with. 

My teenage brain couldn't comprehend God's plan, but looking back at my life God guided me through my parents, teachers, and pastors to get me to this point in life. He knew I was beautiful and enough, because he created me in his image. He knew what he had for me was greater than my own. He knew me for me and loved me enough to never give up on me.  

God is our writer. He has hold of the pen. All we have to do is listen. No matter your past, future, or present. Yesterday, today, and tomorrow you have a fresh sheet of paper waiting for you. You are enough, you are beautiful, you are loved. Let God have hold of the pen, and look for the lovely in every day. And don't forget... Don't judge a book by its cover.

xo

Kayla Ann



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